January 30 and 31, 2005 - Comet Machholz...
Comments: I am sorry to lump two observations together in one report, but I'm still having some health issues that have left me feeling pretty weak and tired...
But I'm not ready for the dirt nap just yet.
Comet Machholz on the 30th was truly splendid. Bundling up for just a very short session outside, I took the binoculars to do my viewing. Hola! Check out that bright star that resides right on the edge... Digging a piece of scrap paper out of my pocket, I do a quick sketch of the starfield and go back to watching for a few moments. I think if anything, C/2004 Q2 seems to be compressing rather than losing magnitude. Tonight it is gloriously near the "Double Cluster" and as I drop the binos and look at the scene I can imagine what a fine, wide-field photograph this would make. Trying not to giggle, I go back to looking at Machholz and see the caption to the picture - "Turn Right At The Double Cluster". It's just really too cool...
I am out there again on the 31st. The doc would probably crap, but I'm not doing anything worse than when I go to bring up wood or fill the bird feeder. I'm just stealing a well-dressed moment with the stars and noting how fast the crazy comet is still moving!
Comparing last night's sketch to the field, I can see where Machholz is still putting about a degree a day under its icy feet. My sketch from yesterday coincides with page 38 of Uranometria, and even as bright as these stars are, they don't have numbers listed. It has climbed above the two areas of nebulosity which were apparent a few nights ago, but they cannot stand up to the slight haze we have had the last two days. Machholz is still showing a stubby stretch of tail that quite probably is mostly lost due to sky conditions. It's OK, though... It's the speed that amazes me! We've now gone off the top of page 38 and on to the bottom of page 18. Smack dab in the middle of +62 and +63 degrees and 3h 4m and 2h 56m... Just awesome!
And so I stop there. It would be far too easy for me to be out here having fun and not realize how long I've been exposed to the cold and make myself worse. It's enough to have gotten away for awhile and to forget about how I feel, eh? Sometimes the best medicine in the world is just a few moments of fun....
But not quite as nice as a hug.
"Oh, you've gone away.... And I don't feel you... Here... Anymore...."
January 29, 2005 - A Deep Orange Moon, the Owl, the Cardinals and Hawk...
Comments: Unreality sets in when I work "vampyre" shift. The human body was simply not designed to sleep normal hours one day and flip around over the next 48. Sleep deprevation has some strange tolls that come with it... My most common is memories tend to be dream-like.
I had gone to bed well before sundown and sleep was not pretty. Still unwell and fitful, I tended to wake up more often than I should and I remember looking out the window to see a deep orange Moon on the horizon. I remember being transfixed -- because it was so huge. Part of my mind is cognizant enough to know it is atmospheric phenomena... yet the other half sees it as some hazy, crazy, distant world.
And it was gone when I had to get up for real.
The hours passed in a blur. Memories of what I had said and done had faded and ran like a penned page in the rain. When the time had come to try and sleep again, I sat down in my favourite chair looking out over the backyard and watched it snow. A very odd and probably peculiar pleasure of mine is feeding the many birds who have nothing during the snowy season, The large feeder was filled and I smiled as I ate my supper watching the many species filling their bellies as well. In a momentary flash of tan, a large bird swooped low over the feeder and into the giant pine tree. Not being able to see him clearly, I fetched my binoculars and was humbled at the return of my nocturnal friend...
I know he is not exactly posing for this picture here. He is, after all, the Owl. Between the snow and the branches of the pine, he surveys the now silent bird feeder. Even the pesky squirrels are gone! In the binoculars, he is a handsome fellow. I can see his spotted belly and his golden eyes. He watches me - just as I watch him. We are old, old friends, this bird and I. He has been my observing companion for many years now and he has spent many a night swooping my head while I have been engaged at the eyepiece. His silent "pettings" (as Cor calls them) have scared me, always waiting for the night when he choses to put those claws into my head... But he has never harmed me. I look at those feet with the help of magnification, and I think of how easily small animals could become his prey. If animals were meant to be vegetarians, when then does the owl not listen? We watch each other for the longest time and he flies off to a more distant tree...
Waiting on his meal to come back.
A few minutes later, the bird feeder once again becomes a frenzy of activity. With danger gone, the birds are happy to return -- but this time it is only one species of bird. Again, they are common in Ohio -- they are the state bird!
Again, I think nothing of it. The bluejays, the sparrows, the blackbirds, the wren, the snowbird... All of them are here. What is so special about a handful of cardinals? Nothing, I guess. Nothing at least until you notice that the small tree beside the feeder is literally filled with them! Two? Yes. Four? Sure. Six? Why not? Ten? Odd. But 24? What are the odds on two dozen cardinals all chosing just that same moment to eat out of the feeder? I do not question the beauty of the moment.... I am enjoying it! Their brilliant scarlet presence against the deep green of the pine and the contrast of the white, swirling snow seems like a gift. And I take it as such.
I was thinking some serious thoughts about just stoking up the fire for the night and going to bed then. My night/day/night - whatever you call it - had been long and I feel sleep about to claim me. But there is one more visitor yet to come...
Like the owl before him, he comes in search of food. He is also a "freqent flyer" here in the backyard, but although we have eyed one another on many occassions - there is no sensation of friendship here - only a kindred spirit. The binoculars reveal him to be far more machine-like. There is nothing comforting in his demeanor. His beak and talons speak of success and his eyes are untrusting. It is funny how thoughts sometimes come to one in sleep deprevation. I keep photos of some folks whom I have met along the way, and beneath a favourite of mine is a poem:
"I am the eagle, I live in high county. In rocky catherdrals that reach to the sky. I am the hawk, there is blood on my feathers. But time is still turning and soon they will dry. And all who see me... And all who believe in me... Share in the freedom I feel when I fly.
Come sail on the west wind, and over the mountaintops. Deep in the valleys and up to the stars... Rejoice in the freedom and dream of tomorrow... For all that we can be and not what we are."
And so I bid the day adieu. The snow will be there for me to drive through tonight. The stars will be gone, but I will dream of tomorrow.
And know this visitation was real.
"Because I'm broken. Yes, I'm lonesome. And I don't feel right... When you're gone away."
January 27, 2005 - Comet Machholz, Stock 23, I 1848, I 1805, Barnard's Loop, The "Running Man", the Rosette Nebula and M35...
Comments: Cold? Outrageously. Still sick? You bet. Dead? Not yet.
With a high pressure system settling in, the skies were crystal clear and a beautiful limiting magnitude of at least 6. I am far from well, but I will bundle up to go have a look at skies like that! Donning all assortment of artic gear, the weapon of choice tonight was the 16X50 binoculars and I am downright humbled at how well they suck in starlight! Resolving out small objects? No. Revealng extensive ones?
First order is Comet Machholz. Tonight right on the corner of the Camelopardis/Cassiopeia/Perseus border, it doesn't just sing -- it dances as well! Still magnificent and still holding an awesome and expansive tail! I would say that it has shrunk somewhat. The actual coma appears much more compressed and less diffuse around the edges, but it's at least 25' still. What have we for tail? Such a wide V pattern! There is one line that just shimmers and runs all the way back to Kappa Persei! Just a really kickin' comet all the way around...
And speaking of around, I toured right around in the area of the comet as well. Stock 23 is a right pretty open cluster to binoculars. While in the area, my eye was absolutely slammed by diffuse nebula. I'm telling you -- it's that clear out! If I were able to have the 12.5 out tonight, you would see magnitude 15 galaxies. The two nice areas that I could do a lot of tracing around were I 1848 and I 1805. Just a very cool area and one deserving of an even finer pair of binoculars!
Since I am also working on an Orion study, I headed for Barnard's Loop... and I'll be daggoned... it's apparent! It's a nice fine whisper and it's so HUGE! The brighter portion is more toward the south... But I was totally impressed with the whole thing. Next aim was to see if I could catch "the Running Man" in binos since it is also extensive and faint? You know what? Rock on! I couldn't see the asterism, but you cannot miss the emission area. In scanning for the "37", I also about fell down when I lit on a nice round patch of nebulosity with teasing hints of resolvable stars. I backed up, checked my position again, and went to it. What's the odds on seeing the "Rosette Nebula" in binoculars? Again, I am definately impressed with the night's clarity. The dimensions on the "Rosette" are 80' X 60', but I would safely say that I was only catching about a 50' diameter area. Still... That ain't bad!
I am starting to feel the cold, but I have got to at least brush over the M35 before I go in. As I start coughing again, I realize that I shouldn't be out here... And I'll be darned if that little voice inside my head doesn't keep saying.... Algol! Algol! Abell cluster! Got to be... Abell... Got to... Got to... Got to go back in because I really don't want to have pneumonia, thanks. You don't know how much I wish right at the moment that I wasn't broken down and that I felt stronger and more well. Tipping the sky a salute, I am appreciative of the golden opportunity to at least see some of this great stuff. Vampyre shift is coming up again and with those hours will be the Moon...
But I had a few great moments tonight.
"Because I'm broken. Yes, I'm open. And I don't feel like... I am strong enough."
January 25, 2005 - A Crystal Cold Moon....
Comments: Clear skies? Yes. And there have been a couple of nights of clear skies that I simply have not been able to enjoy. The reality check is that I am all too human... and I never shy away from people who need help. This year the vaccination was in short supply - only 300 offered in my area - and I simply did not feel right about getting an innoculation while those at far greater risk than myself stood in line. Even though my occupation puts me in the forefront of catching whatever "bug" nature throws our way, I generally have very good health. When a sick person comes to me for answers? I am there to help...
But influenza takes no prisoners.
Needless to say, it has taken me off my feet and literally out of my mind. The last several days have been a fevered haze of struggling to breathe, endless coughing and deep blue pain. I needed to lose a few pounds, but I'm here to tell ya', not being able to swallow and dehydration is not the way to do it. As you can see, I am recovering or I would not be here! I have watched the Moon and stars float past the window in a crystal cold state of unreality, and the very fact that I can at least remember them means that the grey matter must still be functioning... Even if the very hair on my head hurts! When I get to the point where I'm starting to wonder where Comet Machholz is tonight -- then you know I'm coming back slowly but surely. So smile for me, stranger...
I'm still hangin' in there.
"Because I'm broken. Yes, I'm lonesome. And I don't feel right... When you're gone away."
January 21, 2005 - Aurora, Comet Machholz and the Moon...
Comments: Hard to believe it's clear. Right now Ohio is sitting under a high pressure system that will rapidly change bringing with it "significant" snowfall... But who cares when you can see stars?!
When I left for work this morning, it was absolutely incredible out. I walked out to my observing area and just stood and grinned as I looked at the entire constellation of Scorpius along with bright Mars. The beginnings of Ophiuchus are starting to rise and it won't be long until Saggitarius is back in my life again. I know it sounds dumb, but it seems so grand to see Lyra once again in the east and know that all this snow, ice and bitter temperatures will be gone soon.
The Sun was welcome during the day. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to observe it - but I know what's going on. Our happy region 720 kicked out an X-7 class flare, as well as a CME and shortly before 1:00 p.m. my time the proton stream had hit the Earth. Making sure I had my supper and chores over with well in advance of sky dark meant that I was out there as soon as possible, dressed in full artic gear and awaiting what I knew was to come.
I have never seen aurora during a gibbous phase of the Moon, so I was unsure of what to expect. I guess I should have more faith in my own knowledge, for there was no mistaking the ragged red glow of the signature to the northeast and east. Despite temperatures that soon felt like Maxwell's silver hammer, I continued to watch - scanning the whole sky for overhead phenomena. Unfortunately, a lot of the "blues" were simply lost to the moonlight, as were the green clouds... But there was no doubt a sense of undulation, so despite desperately needing to get warm, I watched. My reward? A huge white spire. I was blown away when it first appeared, sure that somehow a light source was causing this perfect beam, and knowing better all the while. I know I was grinning despite the extreme cold, hoping that friend Greg was also witnessing this event.
At that point, I came back inside because I simply couldn't hack it any longer. Checking the NOAA real-time data, I see that the auroral oval is extending clear down into Kentucky and I also hope that my friend Otto is getting clear skies to see this as well. Knowing that I had watched the weather maps means I am very aware that the skies aren't going to hold long, so I head back out once again with the binoculars.
We still have beautiful, moving curtain-like, red aurora.
Heading for Comet Machholz, I am thrilled to see that it has progressed so quickly north! Holding position above Iota Persei, there is no sign of a tail tonight and the moonlight is definately crippling the view. It really doesn't matter, for it is still good to see how concentrated and bright it remains! Lowering the binoculars, I walk back out to the edge of the east field again, admiring that shimmering bright red aurora and can't help but keep wishing that the Moon had been absent. Before I cap the binoculars back up, I spare Sister Selene a glance and am pleased that the quiet and ancient Gassendi fares so well. The bright punctuation of Keplar is also a fine sight.... But I really just want to watch the aurora.
Fine clouds are making their way back in strings and patches. At one point the aurora became much more pronounced and the sky began to shimmer as the Moon was covered with "mackerel scale" clouds. With another strong winter storm coming up from the south and the clouds from the west, it was possible to once again watch until I simply got so cold I couldn't stand it. Returning indoors, I had to wrap myself in an electric blanket to recover from the chills and by the time I was ready to go back out?
Ah, them skies were gone.
If you think the skies lacked beauty? You'd be wrong. The coming storm brings with it high level clouds full of fine ice particles and the Moon was overhead with a fantasy 22 degree halo around it. Unlike halos caused by fog, this particular one was quite colorful, and it was easy to trace the prismatic effect from the edge of ultra-violet to the base of infra-red. I guess it's a trade-off. Earlier in the evening I had an opportunity to watch what the Sun can do in terms of energy color in aurora... And now that it's reflecting off the Moon?
A ring of solar spectra.
"Because I'm broken... Yes, I'm open. And I don't feel like... I am strong enough."
January 18, 2005 - Chasing 720 and Comet Machholz...
Comments: Sun today! Better enjoy it now, because there is more snow in the forecast. It was good to have a day off work so I had an opportunity to really play with things a bit more. Setting up on the deck, I got one of my many little aluminum cases full off goodies out and used the good barlow for a change. And what a change!
You should see 720 now...
After having gone through X and M class flares and erupting in a CME, 720 has literally began to shatter apart. The umbral fields are breaking up and the penumbras are beginning to combine. With companion series 718 already to the limb, 720 will also be gone in a matter of days and any additional activity will no longer be directed our way. This has been a really great active spot and I hope that conditions will permit me to check it out on the limb and hopefully get a chance to really pick up on the Wilson effect that just has to be raging.
I can dream, can't I?
Knowing that the weather is going to turn bad again also means that I wasted no time at skydark in going out to check out Comet Machholz with the binoculars. There is a lot of haze and fine clouds to the sky, producing a wonderful halo around the moon! I'll bet the puppy stretches 20 degrees! But what I came after was the comet and right now the skies are pretty fair where it's at.
Mindful that I do not repeat last night's awkward performance, I brushed the snow off the park bench and kicked back. High level thin clouds eradicated any view of Machholz tail tonight and the additional light reflected from the Moon also impaired the view... But it's right in the midst of 27, 30, 32 combination! To be more accurate, it's right up against Kappa (27). Too cool?
Nah. Too cold!
I wandered out to the east field just to make sure there wasn't any aurora and found nothing but clouds. They are moving in and the snow is on it's way. At least I made it out to catch the Sun again and have a look at the comet. Smiling, I did something rather uncharacteristic of myself at this hour and picked up the tiny bottle of champagne that I had stuck in the snowbank on my way out. Taking off my gloves, I undid it's little wire cage and sent H out chasing the cork as it launched toward the Moon. Here's to you, Wizard...
Long live the dream.
"I want to hold you high and steal your pain."
January 17, 2005 - Frozen Fire, Scaling the Icy Alps and Chasing Snowballs...
Comments: Fanciful thinking? Why not. Sometimes our ability to play is directly measured against our ability to keep our sanity. Tonight my primary goal was to keep an aurora watch and I started just as soon as the Sun set. Scuffing into moccasins and wrapping in a blanket, I would go out every so often, curse the thin clouds, and hope...
Just before 7:00 I was rewarded.
Heading back in immediately for a little less native american attire, the snow boots and down-filled parka served me well as I trudged across the thin snow for the east field. Awesome! By no means a radical display, there was a wonderful cone-shaped area of red to the northeast that made it seem like the trees were filled with frozen fire because it was so low. I watched for about fifteen minutes, but no "all sky" activity like we've seen in the past. By then, some hazy clouds had started to drift back over and I headed back in to warm up for awhile.
By around 8:30, I figured if we were going to get some nice auroral activity that it would be in full swing by now. The temperatures had dropped to single digits and for the most part - skies were clear. Following my tracks, I headed east but this time my "frozen fire" was gone. Nothing left but the plain, ordinary tree line. Heading back in, I decided since I was dressed for success that I'd just grab my binoculars and take a little tour. The ability to hold perfect steady is sometimes a little tough, but thanks to the Moon's southerly position I managed by using the pool ladder to help stabilze. Will you look at that?! The mountains on the Moon look like they are all covered with snow, too! Guess it's cold all over, huh?
Of course, I wanted to have a look at Comet Machholz as well - but it's almost straight up! Realizing that when the position might be more favorable that we also might have clouds, I just took a visual on it, rearranged my layers so I could hold my arms like that, and pushed my glasses up under my hood. While the "Double Cluster" is quite nice in binoculars, it ain't Machholz - so I put my glasses back on, moved to another part of the yard, took a visual and went for it again. Glasses off, head back, arms up... And there it is!
And then someone creamed me with a snowball.
It's pretty obvious that Comet Machholz packs a whallop that we aren't prepared for. The moment I laid eyes on it, it was enough to crack the thin ice I was unaware that I was standing on a leave me laying flat on my back in the snow! Of course, I have reached the age when falling means that I'm not so worried about getting up as much as I am looking for what I can do while I'm down there. If fate dictates that to look at a comet tonight means being prone on the frozen ground, who am I to argure with kismet? Laughing, I push H out of my face, make sure my glasses are still under my hood, take another visual on Machholz... and just observe.
Now moving like a speedy little snowball towards that 27, 30 and 32 combination, I am still impressed with just how much of the tail still shows with all the moonlight! It's really a great comet and I have truly enjoyed following it. After a few minutes the cold was beginning to really bite, so I figured it was best that I just get up and give up. I had to smile as I brushed myself off and looked down and the ground. Once upon I time, I used to lay on my back and make "snow angels"...
Now I just make snow klutzes.
"There's so much left to learn... And no one left to fight."
January 16, 2005 - Machholz? Darn Right, Machholz!
Comments: So much happening right now! At every opportunity I have been following the Huygens information since it landed safely on Titan on the 14th. Such rugged beauty! Will any of us be able to look at Titan again and not be amazed that we have actually been there? What a wonderful age we live in...
And the Sun! Oh, my gosh. Radio JOVE has just been saturated. Remember the area I showed you yesterday? X-class flares, (M too!) right where those two umbral fields were drawing together. I've seen some beautiful photos done in H-alpa that show the flare and I am very impressed. (and also relieved i have not lost my ability to "see" where something is going to occur. ;) The magnificence of power also unleased two coronal mass ejections and the radio data is just singing! Our ionosphere is dancing, brothers...
And aurora will follow.
Of course, that means clouds. But the only thing good about the extreme cold is that it will bring pockets a perfect clarity if you are willing to wait and go for it at a moment's notice. I think the one thing I truly appreciate about binoculars is that viewing is even easier than setting up a scope and the 16X50s provide a great look. Right before I fell asleep in the chair (my hours have a way of doing that to me) I got up to check and found clear skies! Our cold right now is mean and nasty, but I wanna' see that comet...
Still very much in the field with the re-energized Algol, Comet Machholz simply rocks the skies. Even with a first quarter Moon you could not miss it unaided. In the binoculars it is truly outstanding. With Beta Persei in the lower half of the field, C/2004 Q2, the comet makes a strong showing with Flamsteed 27, 30 and 32 to one edge. Tail? I don't see how you could miss it. Extending still in a general easterly direction, the spread has become very wide and could be traced easily toward the "cluster" of stars comprised of brighter members 29, 31, 33, 35 and 37. I am not a great judge of size in arc minutes, but I would say it is at least 30'! Just a really incredible comet...
Did I freeze? Yep. Did I care? Nope. I have really missed what I love to do best - and that is observing. I coasted around a bit looking at some of those other bright Mmmm objects, but who can be happy with all the rest of that stuff when the biggest Mmmmm word of all is out there right now?!
"I guess the worst is past... And we can breathe again. I want to hold you high and steal your pain... Away."
January 15, 2005 - Back To The Basics... And Back To The Sun!
Comments: I am the vampyre, again. After viewing yesterday's spectacular sunspot, I watched the Sun set as I ate, seeing the clearing skies and knowing I had to go to bed. I really wanted to be out there - wanted to see Machholz - but instead sat on the edge of the bed looking out the south window and watching the sideways grin of the Moon come out. Duty? Honour? What you really want to do? Which comes first...
When the alarm went off at 1:30, I was an unhappy vampyre. You see, once I actually get to sleep... I don't want to wake back up. Growling, I hunted around for some warm clothes and the smell of my timed coffee brewing was enough to reluctantly head for a cup. A few sips later and I was feeling a bit more like myself. As I let H out, I realized that I was going to have to go let a telescope out, too! Wonderful clarity? No way. At best 4.5 limiting magnitude, but far more stars than I've seen in a few nights! Beast of choice? The 8". Eyepiece of choice? 26mm Meade.
It has truly been so long since I've looked into Ursa Major that I cannot resist. The M81 and M82 are absolutely outstanding in this scope. Even with limited magnification, the M81's bright core is simply outstanding and the disturbed, notched look of the M82 is very apparent. Again, as I look at the M82, I get the sense of a child's dirty kite string wound around a stick.. And like a bit of imagined leaf caught in its twists, the notch is very present. I am also pleased with the M97 "Owl Nebula". Magnification would help greatly with this one, but the small circular disc of light is obviously showing some inconsistencies toward the interior. I had quite a time locating the M101, and when I was positive of its identification, I found it to be extraordinarily reminiscent of the M33. Not much structure to be seen tonight. The last hop for me was the M108, and again some difficulties in spotting it. At best I could see a rather unevenly lighted "scratch" of light.
By now, I'm most defiantely cold. Despite the near single digit temperatures, the skies have a slight haze to them that is comprimising deep studies. Leaving the scope for a few moments, I go back in to have another cup of coffee and warm my hands by the fire. By 2:45 I was back out again, knowing my time was growing short. Who can resist at least a quick look at the M44 and M67 before leaving?! They were quite fine, and the many components of the "Beehive", as well as the scattered cloud of ice crystals that comprise the M67 were far less effected by sky conditions. As much as I hate to go - I have to.
Perhaps another night?
The hazy skies held, and by the time I had finished work at noon, I was sure wondering about what was going on with our latest sunspot. Going directly to the G.O.E.S. x-ray flux data, I see where we had a minor X-class flare and some very respectable M class. Curious, I turned next to the current magnetograms and there it is... There's a positve field where there wasn't one yesterday on the west edge of the negative, and we are showing intruding fingers into the sheer between the two. Hot, hot, hot!!
Now, I had promised myself all day that I wasn't going to do this. I was going to come home, check the e.mail and data, make myself something to eat and get some rest since I have to start even earlier tomorrow.
There is NO WAY that I'm giving up what I love to do again! The deep freeze of the temperature changes have made the liquids become solids, and I'm a lot more willing to run an electrical cord across ice than a puddle. You can definately see the advantage in the two recording mediums, and the time spent would be worthwhile. The CCD chip in the eyepiece camera gives a much cleaner image and this allows my reports to illustrate what I can see visually and keep a permanent record of the changes. They might be minute... But I can tell you the difference!
As you can see in this alignment correct image of both 720 to the northeast and 718 to the southwest, we have a very complex area. Almost directly through the center of this image is the solar equator, so understand that both are magnetically configured differently. The region of 718 has "leading" (west) negative charge and following (east) positive, both widely dispersed. 720 follows Hale values and it has a highly concentrated positive field to the west, backed by an equally concentrated negative field to the east -- but a thread of positve magnetism against the far eastern flank. Can you imagine with all this energy going on how much it is swirling?!? Look at how relatively close both 718 leading negative and 720 leading positive are! Outstanding.. Inside 720, where the two fields meet, the positive and negative "fingers" are beginning to interwine, and if you take the time to scroll down and look at yesterday's nasty picture you can see the difference. Even in my muzzy shot from the 14th, the two major umbra portions were still disant from each other. Look again at today... They're meeting!
So now the game is getting exciting, eh? This is what I like about repeat observations of sunspots. When you can see what's going on! If these umbra regions meet, they will be like two drops of oil floating on top of hot water -- they'll merge together. But each drop of oil holds opposite magnetic charges. And you know what they say about opposites, don't you?
Figured you did. ;)
"Because I'm broken... Yes, I'm open... And I don't feel like... I am strong enough. Yes, I'm broken. And I'm lonesome... And I don't feel right... When you're gone away."